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Imagine you are sitting at lunch with a group of friends chatting and the topic of decor comes up. You make a joke about how glad you are that you got all of that crappy country blue and pink stuff out of your house because it looked like 1985. You continue with the thread and say that couldn’t even sell the stuff at a rummage sale because no one uses those colors anymore unless they are color blind.
Fast forward to a few weeks later when one of the ladies at the table is hosting a Pampered Chef party at her house. You walk in and immediately notice that everything is country blue and pink. You flash back to the conversation at the table. Had you ever been in her house before? Did you know her house looks like 1985? Do you think she was offended? Do you need to say anything to apologize? Do you even care what she thinks?
That situation happens on Facebook pretty much every day. I am amazed at what I see people posting. Whether it is political or religious or just about taste in general, I see things posted all the time that I know for a fact offend people in my social circle. Sometimes people respond in a good natured way–“Hey! I like my country blue and pink!.” Sometimes they fight back– “I guess my house isn’t good enough for you then? Not everyone has enough money to redecorate every year.” Sometimes they just stay silent and either hide their hurt feelings or even “unfriend” the person.
I wonder what it is about Facebook that makes us all feel like we can say whatever we want, however we want, without any regard to how it makes those around us feel. I know people will say that I care too much what everyone else thinks, but since when is it a bad thing to be considerate of the feelings of your friends and colleagues? It’s one thing to post a comment to start a genuine discussion (and I question how well you can really even do that over Facebook with topics as heavy as health care, the economy, and raising kids). It’s something else entirely to post random musings just because you can, often at the expense of others.
If you made it this far in my rant, please let me know your feelings on the topic. Has Facebook changed the way that we all express ourselves by making it so easy to confront or ridicule others without dealing with them face to face? Or am I being too soft and just need to lighten up?
Great rant/post, Tricia! I think people have a tendency to get so comfortable on FB when not face-to-face with real people, it can be easy to forget that there are real faces and feelings on the other side. I often wish some people had better filters and I wonder if they would say the same things in person.
Not FB related, but I personally blasted a #fail on Twitter about a business once in a moment of anger and later, I felt like the biggest jerk ever. I don’t know if it offended anyone, but it reminded me there human beings reading whatever I put out there, whether it’s positive or negative. I definitely want to contribute positively!
Hi Tricia,
This is VERY good advice. We are all guilty of saying (or writing) things we later regret – especially if we were raised around over-critical people (parents can be the worst). Words just roll out without any intervention from our brains – until we learn to censor at least some of what we’re thinking.
To make matters worse, most people are oversensitive – usually because they, too, were raised around overly critical people. Some of the smartest people I know assume any comment is about them and the people who need to take comments to heart ignore them. That was true when I worked at IBM and it is true among the people I know online.
Write about a bad habit and several people who are the kindest, most considerate people you know will ask if you’re talking about them. (“Uh, no, you never do that.”) Meanwhile, those who are doing it NEVER think you meant THEM. LOL
I’ve got news for all the people who believe all the conditioning they’ve received. Some of us could care less about what’s “in style”, whether it is “this year’s” or “this season’s” – we surround ourselves we what we like and if someone else doesn’t like pink and blue, well, they don’t live there.
That goes double for clothes. Buy classic, high quality clothing that flatters you and forget 4″ heels that tear up your knees, fads, fashions and the lastest color. Those who care about all that nonsense need to get a REAL life full of IMPORTANT things like true friends, family, God and caring about others.
Now I’ve probably offended a whole bunch of superficial people overly concerned about what they own. When some tragedy happens – health, tornado, homelessness – only then will they realize there is Truth in what I write. When life puts things into perspective, whether you’re wearing Gucci or Armani won’t mean much any more.
I just realized you’re not using our GrowMap anti-spambot plugin. There is a tab on my blog for it – you may want to check it out. Andy @CommentLuv created it and it saves me a TON of time!
Thanks for the great feedback, Gail! And you are right. I am behind on my plugins. I will have to check it out! I especially need it for my daughter’s blog because she gets some pretty yucky spam comments. 🙁
9 times out of 10, I don’t care…but in my world it tends to be pretty soft stuff, not like important stuff. I did see some ugly stuff come out around when Bin Laden died, but that’s politics.
I don’t know, I’m pretty careful about what I say on twitter and facebook. But I have embarrassed myself in the past on a blog comment and in a forum too.
Tricia, Great article and reminder that some people are actually reading our thoughts. Just wish that FaceBook had a back button for editing…
I made it through your rant, so I’ll comment 🙂
I probably say more things I shouldn’t on Twitter than Facebook, only because my family doesn’t read my Twitter stream.
I don’t really mind the negative stuff people post, but I make mental notes of who’s being a downer, and pretty soon they’re hidden from my feed.
What I really can’t stand, though, are the passive-aggressive status updates people leave.
Or the “have-pity-on-me” updates
Or the “look at me!” updates. There’s a very fine line between announcing your love for life and bragging, and most people not only cross the line, but sprint across it and go on for miles.
But especially, I hate the, “I’m so busy…” updates (because, you know, if you’re so busy you’d better take the time to check Facebook.
Wow – thanks. Now I pretty much hate Facebook.
Well put Tricia! Fortunately I’ve surrounded myself with generally pretty good people so I don’t see a lot of negative comments. Either that or I’m pretty thicked skinned (and i know I am lol). Thankfully most people myself included that interact daily on FB treat each other as they normally would.
Although I have seen it happen to some of my friends and their posts, I can honestly say it wasn’t directly affecting me.